Another Catholic Chestnut

My kids love this one - or love to hate it, anyway.  They regularly demand it when we are out on a long walk.  One can, of course, stretch it out to cover several miles of rough terrain...

The Trappist Joke

A young man joined a Trappist monastery.  It was a place of silence and prayer; but this particular monastery had a dispensation, whereby once every ten years, the monks were allowed to speak.

On the 10th anniversary of his admittance to the community, therefore, the young monk had an audience with Father Abbot.  

‘Well, and how is it going?’

‘It is wonderful Fr Abbot: just what I needed.  I am just starting to slow down and to begin to enter into the habit of prayer...  There’s just one thing, though...’

‘Speak, my son.’

‘Fr Abbot, in my cell, the window has a cracked pain, and the rain drips in.  Fr Abbot, for 10 years I have been unable to sleep, lying as I do on a wet straw mattress...’

‘Say no more, my son, it shall be sorted.’

And sure enough, when he got back to his cell, the window had already been re-glazed.

10 years of prayer and contemplation passed and he had his next audience with Fr Abbott.

‘Well, and how is it going?’

‘It is wonderful Fr Abbot: all I had hoped and longed for.  I am beginning to understand how to approach a life of prayer...  There’s just one thing, though...’

‘Speak, my son.’

‘Fr Abbot, you may remember...’

‘The cracked window? Surely we sorted that out?’

‘Indeed, yes, thank you Fr Abbot.  But the wet mattress dried out as hard as a board, and for twenty years now, I have not had a single night’s sleep.’

‘Say no more, my son, it shall be sorted.’

And sure enough, when he got back to his cell, the mattress had already been replaced.

10 more years of prayer and contemplation passed and he had his next audience with Fr Abbott.

‘Well, and how is it going?’

‘Fr Abbot, I can’t take any more!  I’m going to have to leave!’

‘My son, I thought you were finally learning the beginnings of our prayerful life?’

‘Yes, yes, Fr Abbot, and all that is truly wonderful.  But you may remember...’

‘The hard mattress? Surely we sorted that out?’

‘Indeed, yes, thank you Fr Abbot.  But as they removed it from my cell, a corner touched the window and cracked it again.  Fr Abbot, I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep for thirty years and I can’t take any more.  I have to leave!’

‘My son, if I am honest, I shall not be sorry to see you go. We have had nothing but complaints from you since the day you arrived!’


***


The pedants among you will have realised that Fr Abbot is something of a tautology: abbot being derived from abba (father).